James D Clarke

For the last 6 months or so my band Scrat (who rehearse fairly regularly, and play gigs on average once every two years) have been working on a new song. This song, like all of our originals was conceived like a bastard-child by our lead singer 'The Dicko'.

Most of Dicko's lyrics revolve around women, usually the ones that have pissed him of - and he has no qualms about righting these 'wrongs' in his lyrics. Titles such as 'Walsall Girls' (damning all women from his hometown), 'Teacher' (yes, all of them!), and 'Career Girl' (one in particular) give you an idea of where he's at lyrically. The song we've been working on (for what seems like forever) is entitled 'I've Got A Bone to Pick' - and began with Dicko (one of his many nicknames being 'Mr Negativity') ranting about all kinds of things that had pissed him off.

Unfortunately, due to him being a "busy man" 6 months have passed since we nailed the music for the song  and he still only has about 4 lines, along with a melody courtesy of our song-writing guru.

After much ribbing at last week's rehearsal about his lack of lyrics I took it upon myself to help Dicko out, and yesterday we spent some time collaborating on lyrics via instant messenger. I took what he'd already had, added to them, made a few alterations, moved things around, and then we went through the results together, tidying up the loose ends.

I'm happy to say that I'm pretty pleased with the results. The lyrics still sound like they were conceived in the mind a man who's sanity is often questioned (Dicko has to sing them after all), but they also have a warmer, more heartfelt slant - something which Dicko alone would never have considered - far too positive!

We're due to rehearse again on Tuesday where we'll hopefully put the finishing touches to 'Bone', providing all the lyrics we've written fit the music/melody!

With any luck we'll be recording the song for everyone to hear in the not too distant future, and in the mean time if any needs any help, I'm up for a spot of co-writing. "Change a word and take a third", and all that.

P.S. I may well post the finalised lyrics for your amusement.

...was the songwriting advice given by Jordan (aged 7) to Neil Young (aged 62). I was listening to the new Neil Young album 'Chrome Dreams II' whilst Jordan played on the computer - when all of a sudden he piped up " this song is rubbish, he just keeps saying 'If heaven had a window where the sun came shinin' through, like a beautiful bluebird, I'd come flyin' back to you' over and over again and that's all!". At this point I tried to explain that maybe this didn't make the song rubbish, but maybe he just didn't like the repetition, to be interupted with "I know it's probably the chorus and that's why he says it lots, but I think it's rubbish!". So there Neil Young! Consider yourself told! You do not appeal to 7 year olds. Oh, and watch out anyone who swears in their songs, I've already been asked to "put a different song on that doesn't have swearing in it" today.